So I've noticed I've been neglecting the blog. I've been fairly busy with work; I'm a dispatcher now so I put in a lot of hours. Thankfully, my employer pays overtime. Almost to the point where I didn't qualify for WIC anymore! School has been also keeping me busy, I've been trying to keep my grades up because, as crazy as it sounds, I've been contemplating joining the military as an officer. I know, I know but I miss having the security that the military brings and it would allow me to do something with my degree right away. We shall see.
Blair is 8 months old now. He is growing too fast! We were denied visitation because of what his charges are so that was quite a blow for us. But his civilian attorney said he's never heard of something like this in the 20 years he's been working and recommended some paths for my husband to appeal the decision. He also believes we have a strong case for appeal because legal errors were made in my husband's case. That being said we are STILL waiting on the official transcript to come back from the judge. His JAG lawyer is supposed to be finding out what the hold up is because I just realized we got the ROT back in June and still have yet to go to clemency with it. This is an entirely long process.
The good news is that I will get to see my husband in November. The drive to Leavenworth isn't nearly as long as I thought so I just need to get myself a hotel. I'm very excited since I haven't seen him since Februrary! It also gave him something to look forward to as well. It's hard to believe we're coming up on a year already though. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
A Little Hope
I noticed that my last couple entries have been somewhat depressing but we received a little glimmer of hope today. My husband talked to his JAG lawyer about getting his record of trial back and while it could take an additional 3-4 weeks for things to be finalized (the army is never in a hurry to do anything!) his lawyer did say he found even more mistakes he thinks the judge makes and believes our civilian attorney will have plenty to work with for my husband's appeal. The JAG lawyer also said that he was going to use my husband's accuser's facebook nickname of "jail bait" in his clemency packet. Yes, she has Jail Bait right next to her name on facebook. This is the caliber of class that we are dealing with. I wish I could tell her exactly what I think of her but I will hold my tongue. It was hard enough having to see her and her wretched family at the trial. We really got lucky with his JAG lawyer. I've heard horror stories about appointed counsel being unreliable at best and not caring about their clients at all but CPT Adams has been there to answer every question I've had. He passed messages between my husband and I when we couldn't speak and told me he knows my husband is innocent and will do whatever he can to help us, including working with our appellate attorney, something he doesn't have to do. This may be a trying, exhausting time but we definitely have some good people on our side.
Also my son turned 5 months old on Friday. Time is flying because of him and, if it's possible, I love him more each day. His smile brightens my day and my life. It's exciting to watch him grow into a little person.
Also my son turned 5 months old on Friday. Time is flying because of him and, if it's possible, I love him more each day. His smile brightens my day and my life. It's exciting to watch him grow into a little person.
Friday, June 7, 2013
And it Begins Again
We got is ROT in last Friday. I was excited but anxious. This begins the whole process of preparing and waiting again. His JAG lawyer has to go over it with the prosecution and judge and then can issue official copies. Our civilian attorney has already contacted me letting me know he heard about the ROT coming back. I'm allowing myself a little bit of hope because Bill Cassara, our lawyer, got another assault case overturned. It was a guy in my husband's POD too, which is the little section he lives in. It's like it could almost be us. But right now we are facing clemency. My husband's JAG lawyer, who has always been straight up with me, said it could take a month or so to get the packet together and send it up and then who knows how long to hear back. He did read the clemency letters I've collected though and said they were very well written. This gives me hope that maybe his packet will stand out because of them.
I got really upset yesterday because I responded to an article about the hearing on military sexual assault cases by saying that they are already pursuing any and all sexual assault cases to the point where they are convicting people with no evidence and just heresay, like my husband. A woman replied that I sounded like someone who couldn't handle her loved one being a rapist. I can't even tell you how pissed off I was. How dare she judge me or my husband? I may or may not have called her the C-word but then I realized I would've thought the same thing had I been in her place. You don't realize how screwed up things can get until you're on the other side of it. It made me feel even more alone and isolated. I'm sitting and waiting, hoping for the best but who knows if it'll happen. We may have to live with this hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives and it's not fair.
I got really upset yesterday because I responded to an article about the hearing on military sexual assault cases by saying that they are already pursuing any and all sexual assault cases to the point where they are convicting people with no evidence and just heresay, like my husband. A woman replied that I sounded like someone who couldn't handle her loved one being a rapist. I can't even tell you how pissed off I was. How dare she judge me or my husband? I may or may not have called her the C-word but then I realized I would've thought the same thing had I been in her place. You don't realize how screwed up things can get until you're on the other side of it. It made me feel even more alone and isolated. I'm sitting and waiting, hoping for the best but who knows if it'll happen. We may have to live with this hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives and it's not fair.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Cautionary Tale
Sometimes I feel like my life is just a gigantic cautionary tale. "Appreciate your husbands, ladies, because you could lose him. Like Amber did." "Make sure you hire a lawyer." "Don't be overconfident." Blah blah blah. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm allowed to be happy. My first husband was a regular asshole. He was abusive and mean and he cheated on me with my best friend. But I overcame all that and divorced him. I learned to work and live on my own. I was happy, for the most part. Then I met my current husband and everything was just so easy. I fell in love with him without even thinking about it. There wasn't a struggle. No questioning. I just knew. So marrying him wasn't a big decision (although I thought I was going to swear off marriage altogether). We clicked. I never thought about leaving him; never contemplated finding someone else. He was, as cliche as it sounds, my other half. And then we were having a baby! How perfect! I had the perfect, loving husband and we made a tiny version of ourselves.
Then everything just went to shit. He was gone and I was alone. I hate to say it but for the first couple weeks I resented my son. I didn't get any sleep, I didn't know what I was doing, and I was so exhausted. I just kept wishing my husband was around to help me at night. I looked around at all the happy couples with their babies and I got so jealous. Then I had this baby; I couldn't go out and do what I wanted. I was obligated to raise this little person and not get lost in my melancholy. He needed me but I just wanted to fade away. Now, nearly 6 months from that terrible day, I look at my son and I'm so in love with him. It hurts my heart to think of him not here with me. I miss him when I'm gone. I worry about him constantly. I feel like an actual parent. I think I had some postpartum depression, which isn't surprising. My therapist warned me that I might but I think I wanted to deny it; to be strong and not feel "weak". But looking back now it was there and I know it still lingers. Not when it comes to my son but I definitely feel overwhelmed at times. I get angry at the world. I want people to care about my husband, our situation, our family. I want my life back. But what I've realized that I will never get that life back. I will never be that same person again and, for better or worse, when my husband comes home we will be different people. I try not to let that be a bad thing though. We have a chance to get to know each other all over again. We'll get a chance to fall in love again. He's not gone forever. Just for a little while; although it seems like eternity right now. He will come back to me.
So maybe I am a cautionary tale but I hope I can be an example too. I hope I can show people that assumptions can be wrong, rumors and false accusations can be dangerous, and some love can be undying. We were a normal couple. A happily married couple but maybe we can be the couple that overcomes all odds. Maybe that is why this is happening; to strengthen us and our marriage. I hope we find out soon. And I hope we can all be together soon.
Then everything just went to shit. He was gone and I was alone. I hate to say it but for the first couple weeks I resented my son. I didn't get any sleep, I didn't know what I was doing, and I was so exhausted. I just kept wishing my husband was around to help me at night. I looked around at all the happy couples with their babies and I got so jealous. Then I had this baby; I couldn't go out and do what I wanted. I was obligated to raise this little person and not get lost in my melancholy. He needed me but I just wanted to fade away. Now, nearly 6 months from that terrible day, I look at my son and I'm so in love with him. It hurts my heart to think of him not here with me. I miss him when I'm gone. I worry about him constantly. I feel like an actual parent. I think I had some postpartum depression, which isn't surprising. My therapist warned me that I might but I think I wanted to deny it; to be strong and not feel "weak". But looking back now it was there and I know it still lingers. Not when it comes to my son but I definitely feel overwhelmed at times. I get angry at the world. I want people to care about my husband, our situation, our family. I want my life back. But what I've realized that I will never get that life back. I will never be that same person again and, for better or worse, when my husband comes home we will be different people. I try not to let that be a bad thing though. We have a chance to get to know each other all over again. We'll get a chance to fall in love again. He's not gone forever. Just for a little while; although it seems like eternity right now. He will come back to me.
So maybe I am a cautionary tale but I hope I can be an example too. I hope I can show people that assumptions can be wrong, rumors and false accusations can be dangerous, and some love can be undying. We were a normal couple. A happily married couple but maybe we can be the couple that overcomes all odds. Maybe that is why this is happening; to strengthen us and our marriage. I hope we find out soon. And I hope we can all be together soon.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Coming Out
Well I finally got a full time job! I'm pretty excited because it was the hours I wanted (8-5 Mon-Fri) AND I get my own office. I've never had my own office! I was so relieved when I was offered the job. I will feel so much better once I have a steady income. I also plan on picking up bartending jobs on the weekends. Through my bartending school we get sought out for special events and what not. This is a chance for me to make some quick extra cash and not let my schooling go to waste! My plan is to save up to see my husband again seeing as how I had to drain my savings to pay my bills this last month. I'm getting anxious to see him again because, well, letters and phone calls don't cut it!
Still no word on his ROT. But what's new? His JAG lawyer believes this is a good thing and will ultimately help him get time off his sentence. I just want them to have an incomplete record of trial and to come home altogether. I know this is really rare but I can dream right? I miss him everyday but yesterday I missed him so much more! I think it was because yesterday a year ago I found out I was pregnant. It was the most exciting day of our lives. My husband was elated! He spilled the beans before I could. I was pretty restless yesterday so I went to see The Great Gatsby by myself. It was the first movie I've seen in a theater since December. It was so good, maybe because I could relate to Gatsby's longing for the past and the undying love he had for someone. It was lonely though. I kept wishing my husband could be there to watch it with me and discuss it. He seems to be doing ok though. He has his down days of course but he's getting involved in physical activity there which I think is doing him some good. I wish with all my heart I could move closer to him and see him every weekend but it's just not plausible right now. I only hope that his record comes back soon so we can have a plan of action. The purgatory of waiting is getting old.
I let people know on a message board I frequent what happened to my husband. It felt a bit like coming out. I didn't have to lie anymore about where he was or why he couldn't see his son. It was a bit therapeutic. I wish I could do the same thing in real life.
Still no word on his ROT. But what's new? His JAG lawyer believes this is a good thing and will ultimately help him get time off his sentence. I just want them to have an incomplete record of trial and to come home altogether. I know this is really rare but I can dream right? I miss him everyday but yesterday I missed him so much more! I think it was because yesterday a year ago I found out I was pregnant. It was the most exciting day of our lives. My husband was elated! He spilled the beans before I could. I was pretty restless yesterday so I went to see The Great Gatsby by myself. It was the first movie I've seen in a theater since December. It was so good, maybe because I could relate to Gatsby's longing for the past and the undying love he had for someone. It was lonely though. I kept wishing my husband could be there to watch it with me and discuss it. He seems to be doing ok though. He has his down days of course but he's getting involved in physical activity there which I think is doing him some good. I wish with all my heart I could move closer to him and see him every weekend but it's just not plausible right now. I only hope that his record comes back soon so we can have a plan of action. The purgatory of waiting is getting old.
I let people know on a message board I frequent what happened to my husband. It felt a bit like coming out. I didn't have to lie anymore about where he was or why he couldn't see his son. It was a bit therapeutic. I wish I could do the same thing in real life.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Time Moves so Slowly
Blair is 4 months old today! Time is going quickly but so slowly at the same time. Every day that I spend without my husband feels like an eternity but when I look back on it I realize that we are coming up on 6 months since he was convicted. I still sometimes don't believe it. I get a little more anxious every day to get his ROT back but so far, nothing.
The very first week he was taken away I was desperate to get him back. I wrote to media outlets, congress, innocence networks. Anyone I could possibly try to plead my case to. What I realized is that because of the seriousness of his charges NOBODY wants to touch it. I just want people to care. Most of the time I feel like people don't. And they probably don't. I mean, I know everyone has their own lives to attend to but I feel like my family is passed up. I want to bring the complex issue of the military justice system to light but no one is willing to listen because it has to do with the government and America is so pro-military that speaking against something they are doing is taboo. It's a pretty bleak outlook but I can't help but hope. I know I'm not alone. I found a message board with other women like me. Their husbands or loved ones have been convicted via Court Martial so we can relate. Unfortunately, it's not very active but the information there is helpful. It's called prisontalk.com. I go there to find comfort. I go there for advice. And mostly, I go there for hope. Hope that one day my life will be normal again. One day my husband will be home, in some way or another and my family will be whole. I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs and will the world to care but I can't. I can only take my life day by day and hope for the best. I don't want pity, I want change. I want what happened to me and my family not to happen to anyone else.
The very first week he was taken away I was desperate to get him back. I wrote to media outlets, congress, innocence networks. Anyone I could possibly try to plead my case to. What I realized is that because of the seriousness of his charges NOBODY wants to touch it. I just want people to care. Most of the time I feel like people don't. And they probably don't. I mean, I know everyone has their own lives to attend to but I feel like my family is passed up. I want to bring the complex issue of the military justice system to light but no one is willing to listen because it has to do with the government and America is so pro-military that speaking against something they are doing is taboo. It's a pretty bleak outlook but I can't help but hope. I know I'm not alone. I found a message board with other women like me. Their husbands or loved ones have been convicted via Court Martial so we can relate. Unfortunately, it's not very active but the information there is helpful. It's called prisontalk.com. I go there to find comfort. I go there for advice. And mostly, I go there for hope. Hope that one day my life will be normal again. One day my husband will be home, in some way or another and my family will be whole. I wish I could scream at the top of my lungs and will the world to care but I can't. I can only take my life day by day and hope for the best. I don't want pity, I want change. I want what happened to me and my family not to happen to anyone else.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Down Days
Some days I'm just mad at the world. I see a couple and their baby and I feel such immense and overwhelming sadness. I wish more than anything I could have that. I wish my husband could hold his son. This was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives and instead it turned into one of the hardest. Giving birth without my husband was incredibly hard. Going out with my son without him is difficult. Sometimes I feel like life is so incredibly unfair.
I thought my worst moments of my life was when I found out my first husband was cheating on me. Dealing with the after math of a broken heart, a broken friendship, and learning how to support myself was incredibly difficult. When I found my current husband I felt like it had all happened to bring me to him. When he was convicted and my husband called me tearfully to tell me to come see him for the last time I learned pain all over again. 8 months pregnant, stumbling around in a daze and crying my eyes out I was devastated. For all intents and purposes I was suddenly a single mother-to-be. I had to figure out how I was going to pay bills, where I was going to live, and how to raise a child. Thank god for my mom. She took me in and has helped me out so much. Currently I'm looking for a full time, better paying job because, well, serving just isn't going to allow me to be able to save any money.
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I hope that soon I learn the reason that all of this happened to my family. I hope to God that my husband can come home soon, that his case gets overturned, and he can be with me and our baby. Sometimes it's hard to be positive but I have to try. Some days I just want to stay in bed and never get out but I know my son needs me. Actually, that's probably what I would be doing if it wasn't for him. His smile is my motivation to get through the day. I love him with all my heart and I hope that we'll all be together soon.
I thought my worst moments of my life was when I found out my first husband was cheating on me. Dealing with the after math of a broken heart, a broken friendship, and learning how to support myself was incredibly difficult. When I found my current husband I felt like it had all happened to bring me to him. When he was convicted and my husband called me tearfully to tell me to come see him for the last time I learned pain all over again. 8 months pregnant, stumbling around in a daze and crying my eyes out I was devastated. For all intents and purposes I was suddenly a single mother-to-be. I had to figure out how I was going to pay bills, where I was going to live, and how to raise a child. Thank god for my mom. She took me in and has helped me out so much. Currently I'm looking for a full time, better paying job because, well, serving just isn't going to allow me to be able to save any money.I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I hope that soon I learn the reason that all of this happened to my family. I hope to God that my husband can come home soon, that his case gets overturned, and he can be with me and our baby. Sometimes it's hard to be positive but I have to try. Some days I just want to stay in bed and never get out but I know my son needs me. Actually, that's probably what I would be doing if it wasn't for him. His smile is my motivation to get through the day. I love him with all my heart and I hope that we'll all be together soon.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Looking Forward
It's been awhile between posts again but I've been busy with work and the baby. It helps time pass but it sucks working my butt off for a little bit of money. Oh well, it's better than nothing I suppose. I go this week to try and get on WIC which should hopefully alleviate some of the costs I've accrued with raising a new baby. I've also been looking into Food Stamps. I know I'll do what I have to in order to make ends meet.
The other day I was feeling pretty down. Still no word on my husband's record of trial and the not knowing is driving me crazy. My husband told me something very true though. The worst day was the day he got convicted. Every day after that is one step closer. Whether he's out in 2 years, 6 years, or at the very worst 8, every day is a step closer to him being home again. We just have to take it one day at a time. Since he told me that I have been repeating it to myself and honestly, it does help. In the meant time he did get his detail changed. Finally. After 3 phone calls. He seems more upbeat now that he doesn't have such a physically demanding job and works shorter hours. It's also nice to know that Colonel Keller took my concerns seriously and decided to help my husband out. Whether they believe they're guilty or not these men are still people. I also heard back from congress which, as I suspected, yielded little results. The Army told them that my husband received due process of the law and can file his grievances with an appeal. What they don't get is that he shouldn't be in there at ALL. So him sitting there waiting for an appeal is years he'll be missing from his life. Sometimes the process is so slow and cumbersome I could scream. But, one day at a time. Like he said; we can only go up from here.
The other day I was feeling pretty down. Still no word on my husband's record of trial and the not knowing is driving me crazy. My husband told me something very true though. The worst day was the day he got convicted. Every day after that is one step closer. Whether he's out in 2 years, 6 years, or at the very worst 8, every day is a step closer to him being home again. We just have to take it one day at a time. Since he told me that I have been repeating it to myself and honestly, it does help. In the meant time he did get his detail changed. Finally. After 3 phone calls. He seems more upbeat now that he doesn't have such a physically demanding job and works shorter hours. It's also nice to know that Colonel Keller took my concerns seriously and decided to help my husband out. Whether they believe they're guilty or not these men are still people. I also heard back from congress which, as I suspected, yielded little results. The Army told them that my husband received due process of the law and can file his grievances with an appeal. What they don't get is that he shouldn't be in there at ALL. So him sitting there waiting for an appeal is years he'll be missing from his life. Sometimes the process is so slow and cumbersome I could scream. But, one day at a time. Like he said; we can only go up from here.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
It's Been Awhile
I haven't written in awhile but I've had a lot going on. I finished my bartending course and passed so I am now a certified bartender! Woo! It was tough...there were a lot of drinks to memorize. I also got a job at O Charley's. I'll be serving but they know my interest in bartending so hopefully I can train to do that as well. Blair has been growing by leaps and bounds. He now weighs 13lbs and 12 oz and is 24 inches long. He's also started smiling and cooing! It is amazing to watch him grow. I wish my husband was here to see it as well. We're still working on getting him to be allowed to visit. They're being so slow about giving us an answer of course. Ugh.
In better news, since they are taking so long on getting my husband's Record of Trial back he may get some time off his sentence. Your right to a fair and speedy trial extends to after the trial so if they take longer than 120 days to get his ROT back it is past the amount of time that is considered reasonable. My husband says this could grant him 1-3 years off his sentence. It would be a small victory but a victory none the less. I'm really pinning my hopes on the appeal because I have great confidence in the civilian lawyer I hired. He has already gotten a couple cases overturned while my husband has been incarcerated. It's difficult being out here and having to pretend that my life is normal but I'm taking it day by day. I hope and pray that this is over quickly but I also know I have to batten down for the long haul. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. This is my motto now. I can only have hope and faith that this is seen through to the end. That's all any of us can do.
In better news, since they are taking so long on getting my husband's Record of Trial back he may get some time off his sentence. Your right to a fair and speedy trial extends to after the trial so if they take longer than 120 days to get his ROT back it is past the amount of time that is considered reasonable. My husband says this could grant him 1-3 years off his sentence. It would be a small victory but a victory none the less. I'm really pinning my hopes on the appeal because I have great confidence in the civilian lawyer I hired. He has already gotten a couple cases overturned while my husband has been incarcerated. It's difficult being out here and having to pretend that my life is normal but I'm taking it day by day. I hope and pray that this is over quickly but I also know I have to batten down for the long haul. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best. This is my motto now. I can only have hope and faith that this is seen through to the end. That's all any of us can do.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
No News is Bad News
These last couple days haven't been the best mostly because my husband ran out of money on his phone account. The silence sucks. It's hard going from talking to him everyday, whenever I wanted to a couple minute phone calls. Sometimes it doesn't feel real; like our relationship was something I made up in my head. Then I look through our pictures and read something he wrote and I know it was real. I can't help but wonder what our life would be like right now if he hadn't been convicted. I know it doesn't really help the current situation but I can't help myself. Especially at night when I'm running on only a little bit of sleep and I wish he was here to help with the baby. I love my son to death but it does get exhausting to be doing this on my own. My mom helps me out in the evening but I wish more than anything my husband could meet his son. Just to be able to hold him.
I did file what they call a "congressional complaint". I wrote to the state rep in North Carolina and asked them to investigate my husband's case and trial. They asked for information which is more than I got from them last time. We'll see if anything comes of it. I doubt anything will but I have to try. My husband did say one guy he was in with had his case overturned because of a congressional complaint. Now he's just waiting on his release papers. God, I wish more than anything that would happen for us. That somehow I could get him out NOW. The waiting and wondering is the most difficult. Sitting around waiting for the record of trial to come back and wondering if clemency or an appeal will help us sometimes drives me crazy. I try not to get too hopeful but I can't help but pray for a happy ending for us. We need this to get overturned for the good of our future. My son is growing up so fast and I just can't stand for my husband to miss anymore than he already has. I hate being at the mercy of this system. Please pray for us to whomever you want.
I did file what they call a "congressional complaint". I wrote to the state rep in North Carolina and asked them to investigate my husband's case and trial. They asked for information which is more than I got from them last time. We'll see if anything comes of it. I doubt anything will but I have to try. My husband did say one guy he was in with had his case overturned because of a congressional complaint. Now he's just waiting on his release papers. God, I wish more than anything that would happen for us. That somehow I could get him out NOW. The waiting and wondering is the most difficult. Sitting around waiting for the record of trial to come back and wondering if clemency or an appeal will help us sometimes drives me crazy. I try not to get too hopeful but I can't help but pray for a happy ending for us. We need this to get overturned for the good of our future. My son is growing up so fast and I just can't stand for my husband to miss anymore than he already has. I hate being at the mercy of this system. Please pray for us to whomever you want.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Somehow, I Keep Going
It was amazing to see my husband after so long apart. Although we had to be in a visitation room surrounded by a bunch of other people we were talking and joking like old times. There were some small children in there visiting other inmates and I could tell it bothered my husband. He begged me to find a way to bring our son next time. It hurt my heart to leave my husband behind but I was grateful to get back to my son. For some reason he was sleeping 6 hours for my mom...I got 4 last night! Not fair!
I contacted Mr Holland at the USDB and asked what I had to do in order to bring my son to visit. He instructed me to write a letter asking for full contact between my husband and my son. He said he would pass it up and they would review it and decide if my husband could have contact. Of course it's rarely granted unless the prisoner is in treatment but it's a 2-3 year wait list AND you have to pass a lie detector test to enroll. My husband wouldn't be able to pass one since he's innocent and even if they did enroll him...2-3 years! I was adamant about my husband not being a threat and that all contact between him and my son would be monitored. I also included information about the importance of father-son bonding. Hopefully they have a heart (doubtful) and grant us visitation or at least the ability to talk on the phone. Yes, my husband has to get permission to talk to our nearly-2-month-old on the phone...who can't even talk yet! I hate this system. It's so stupid and backwards and drives me nuts. Mr Holland also said that it wasn't a fast process and could take months to get a response. Joy. What else can I expect from the military?
In better news I'm getting more letters for my husband's clemency packet. My friends have really come through and their care and concern is so touching and means so much. I am pretty disappointed with some of my husband's friends. Some of them just outright ignored my request that they write a letter. Oh, I'm sorry if I'm inconveniencing you but this is my life. It takes what, an hour maybe, to write a decent letter? I'm making notes on those useless people and I hope, when this is all over, I can tell them exactly what I think of them. I'm going to a new moms group meeting tomorrow so maybe I'll meet some new people. The only downfall is deciding what to tell people when they ask where my husband is. I tell most people he's at Ft Leavenworth and let them draw their own assumptions.
I contacted Mr Holland at the USDB and asked what I had to do in order to bring my son to visit. He instructed me to write a letter asking for full contact between my husband and my son. He said he would pass it up and they would review it and decide if my husband could have contact. Of course it's rarely granted unless the prisoner is in treatment but it's a 2-3 year wait list AND you have to pass a lie detector test to enroll. My husband wouldn't be able to pass one since he's innocent and even if they did enroll him...2-3 years! I was adamant about my husband not being a threat and that all contact between him and my son would be monitored. I also included information about the importance of father-son bonding. Hopefully they have a heart (doubtful) and grant us visitation or at least the ability to talk on the phone. Yes, my husband has to get permission to talk to our nearly-2-month-old on the phone...who can't even talk yet! I hate this system. It's so stupid and backwards and drives me nuts. Mr Holland also said that it wasn't a fast process and could take months to get a response. Joy. What else can I expect from the military?
In better news I'm getting more letters for my husband's clemency packet. My friends have really come through and their care and concern is so touching and means so much. I am pretty disappointed with some of my husband's friends. Some of them just outright ignored my request that they write a letter. Oh, I'm sorry if I'm inconveniencing you but this is my life. It takes what, an hour maybe, to write a decent letter? I'm making notes on those useless people and I hope, when this is all over, I can tell them exactly what I think of them. I'm going to a new moms group meeting tomorrow so maybe I'll meet some new people. The only downfall is deciding what to tell people when they ask where my husband is. I tell most people he's at Ft Leavenworth and let them draw their own assumptions.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Tomorrow is the Day
Happy Valentine's Day! I get to visit my husband tomorrow so I'm pretty excited :) I will actually get to hug and kiss him as opposed to just talking to him briefly on the phone. I'll also be able to visit with him for hours as opposed to 20 minutes behind some glass. While this isn't the ideal situation (I'd rather have him home with me and my son) I will take what I can get. He ran out of money on his phone account so I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. This makes me even more anxious to see him. It's difficult since we would talk all day every day and now we only get a couple minutes on the phone and some letters. I miss him so much everyday but I hope this visit will do us both some good.
Ricki Lake's show today was about being wrongfully convicted. Needless to say it hit home. It happens all the time to many different people. It's pretty scary actually. I wish I could get my husband's story out there so that someone would care. I'm still trying to do all I can but many people don't want to touch military cases.
I hope everyone had a good holiday and be thankful for having your valentine home with you.
Ricki Lake's show today was about being wrongfully convicted. Needless to say it hit home. It happens all the time to many different people. It's pretty scary actually. I wish I could get my husband's story out there so that someone would care. I'm still trying to do all I can but many people don't want to touch military cases.
I hope everyone had a good holiday and be thankful for having your valentine home with you.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I miss my husband more than ever. Getting through the holidays without him was tough enough but now to face a specific holiday dedicated to love is even harder. The advertisements on TV are nonstop and I find myself angry at how unfair life can be sometimes. The one thing I am looking forward to is flying out to visit him Friday. It will be difficult though because I'll have to leave my son with my mom. But I'll finally get to see my husband after almost 3 months of him being gone. I'll get to hug and kiss him, albeit briefly, something I haven't done since Dec 1st. I'm looking forward to my trip but at the same time I'm dreading it because I know it will go way too fast. I'll fly out Friday and then come back Monday. During the week I'll get 3 hours with him and during the weekend I'll have two 3 hour visitations. He's looking forward to it as much as I am but I find myself trying to plan the next time I'll get to see him and if I'll be able to bring Blair. I want him so much to meet his son but policy may prevent that. I am ready to do what I have to in order to fight for my family though. I just wish so badly I could bring him home with me and everything would be OK. The waiting and wondering is the worst part.
I used to believe in the justice system and thought people who claimed innocence once convicted were definitely lying. My perspective has changed completely and even for those who are guilty I don't judge them anymore. Military Justice has no standard, like I said in my previous post, the punishments often don't fit the crime and panel members seem less interested in fairness than conviction rates. If my husband was convicted and put away for 8 years with no evidence how many others has this happened to? Something has to change if we want to ensure that justice is served. The zeal with which the military convicts its own is appalling and somewhat terrifying. What is to stop someone from just trying to ruin a soldier's life out of spite? It happened to my husband and although we are fighting it tooth and nail there is no guarantee that he will walk free without a felony hanging over his head the rest of his life. Knowing these facts is pretty disheartening sometimes but I can't give up. Not only is my husband relying on me but so is my son. He deserves his family and a happy future. We all do.
I used to believe in the justice system and thought people who claimed innocence once convicted were definitely lying. My perspective has changed completely and even for those who are guilty I don't judge them anymore. Military Justice has no standard, like I said in my previous post, the punishments often don't fit the crime and panel members seem less interested in fairness than conviction rates. If my husband was convicted and put away for 8 years with no evidence how many others has this happened to? Something has to change if we want to ensure that justice is served. The zeal with which the military convicts its own is appalling and somewhat terrifying. What is to stop someone from just trying to ruin a soldier's life out of spite? It happened to my husband and although we are fighting it tooth and nail there is no guarantee that he will walk free without a felony hanging over his head the rest of his life. Knowing these facts is pretty disheartening sometimes but I can't give up. Not only is my husband relying on me but so is my son. He deserves his family and a happy future. We all do.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Such A Big Boy!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Is There a Standard?
I came across this article on msn the other day. My husband called and we started talking about it.
Basically, if you want the shortened version, a Ft Hood soldier accidentally shot his friend while drunk. He killed his friend, plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and got 3 1/2 years, a dishonorable discharge, and busted down to E1 rank.
3 years for KILLING SOMEONE?! Now, I know involuntarily manslaughter is different from premeditated murder but my husband didn't kill anyone (shoot, he didn't even commit the crimes he was convicted of) and got 8 years. Is there any sort of standard for sentencing or do the panel members just draw numbers out of a hat? My husband told me a guy in prison with him accidentally pushed someone down the stairs. The person later died and the guy got sentenced to 20 years. I just don't understand what is going through the panel members' heads when they convict someone. There needs to be some sort of standard for sentencing. This type of choose-as-you-go punishment breeds injustice.
We're currently still waiting for my husband's record of trial to come back before filing for clemency. I can only pray that the Commander General reads all the letters written on his behalf and his lawyer's write up of mistakes made during the trial and takes pity on us by reducing his sentence. I can't comprehend being without my husband for years on end and because of his charges we have to fight for him to be able to see his son at visitation. It's not fair and seeing such a light sentence for such a serious crime makes me even angrier. The military justice system needs an overhaul in order to be more fair to soldiers and their families.
Basically, if you want the shortened version, a Ft Hood soldier accidentally shot his friend while drunk. He killed his friend, plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and got 3 1/2 years, a dishonorable discharge, and busted down to E1 rank.
3 years for KILLING SOMEONE?! Now, I know involuntarily manslaughter is different from premeditated murder but my husband didn't kill anyone (shoot, he didn't even commit the crimes he was convicted of) and got 8 years. Is there any sort of standard for sentencing or do the panel members just draw numbers out of a hat? My husband told me a guy in prison with him accidentally pushed someone down the stairs. The person later died and the guy got sentenced to 20 years. I just don't understand what is going through the panel members' heads when they convict someone. There needs to be some sort of standard for sentencing. This type of choose-as-you-go punishment breeds injustice.
We're currently still waiting for my husband's record of trial to come back before filing for clemency. I can only pray that the Commander General reads all the letters written on his behalf and his lawyer's write up of mistakes made during the trial and takes pity on us by reducing his sentence. I can't comprehend being without my husband for years on end and because of his charges we have to fight for him to be able to see his son at visitation. It's not fair and seeing such a light sentence for such a serious crime makes me even angrier. The military justice system needs an overhaul in order to be more fair to soldiers and their families.
Monday, February 4, 2013
The Day it All Changed
November 30th, 2012 was a day I'll never forget. My whole life changed. I'm still waiting to see if it's for the better or the worse but it definitely changed altogether. My husband was convicted and sentenced to 8 years in a military prison during a court martial.
If you would've asked me a year ago if I saw this happening I would've told you no. You're crazy! We knew about the case but my husband's obvious innocence was at the forefront of our minds. We couldn't imagine someone ever believing such obvious and blatant lies with no proof or clear cut evidence. Little did we know that military trials are much different from civilian ones. First of all, only 3/4 of the panel has to agree to find someone guilty or innocent. The panel members oftentimes already have their mind made up before the trial ever starts. And these are not a "jury of your peers" these are higher ranking people. My husband was only an E4. In a military trial there seems to be less of a need to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt because the defendant is often considered guilty unless proven innocent, which is pretty difficult to do when DNA evidence does not have to be presented to convict someone.
I do not wish to berate the military. I am very proud of my husband's service. He was in the army for 5 years and served a tour in Afghanistan before his conviction but I am appalled at the lack of support for the spouses of convicted soldiers and the ferocity with which the military will persecute and convict its own. The military is in the midst of downsizing so when my husband's case passed by his batallion's desk to decide whether it would be permanently closed or not it was no surprise they reopened it. Currently men and women are being discharged for missing appointments, failing PT tests...trivial things that had not been used to push someone out of the military before. In my husband's case they took the extreme route; they ruined his life all to make their numbers look better.
When I say lack of support I mean after my husband was convicted and was taken away I was left 8 months pregnant by myself. His unit promised to help me with whatever they could but after about 2 weeks they stopped talking to me. They refused to write letters on my husband's behalf despite knowing him for years and eventually they just ignored me until I called looking for the Sergent Major. A tub full of my husband's personal effects sat at the company for over a month until I called up there looking for them. No one came by the house to check on me. No one called me. On the same note, my husband's JAG lawyers filed for a pay deferral on my behalf which would allow for my husband's pay to come to me for another 6 months. They felt that me being so pregnant and soon to be out of a job I stood a pretty good chance of getting it. After over a month of no answer the Commander General finally came back and said he had denied it. Why? He never offered an explanation. I suppose my son and I weren't that much of a concern to him but my world had fallen apart. As it was, I had to move home to Ohio and in with my mother. She's helping support my son and I until I can get a job. I had to do my own research to find out if we still received medical benefits. For the record, we do until the appeals process is over. But my husband's own commander couldn't even tell me for sure. There are no support groups on base and no voice for spouses in my situation. We are treated like we never existed and pushed aside. I am making this blog to let other spouses who are in my situation know that you are not alone. You are no forgotten and just because the court martial process is taboo in the military there are people affected by it and we don't deserve to be treated like a disease.
If you would've asked me a year ago if I saw this happening I would've told you no. You're crazy! We knew about the case but my husband's obvious innocence was at the forefront of our minds. We couldn't imagine someone ever believing such obvious and blatant lies with no proof or clear cut evidence. Little did we know that military trials are much different from civilian ones. First of all, only 3/4 of the panel has to agree to find someone guilty or innocent. The panel members oftentimes already have their mind made up before the trial ever starts. And these are not a "jury of your peers" these are higher ranking people. My husband was only an E4. In a military trial there seems to be less of a need to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt because the defendant is often considered guilty unless proven innocent, which is pretty difficult to do when DNA evidence does not have to be presented to convict someone.I do not wish to berate the military. I am very proud of my husband's service. He was in the army for 5 years and served a tour in Afghanistan before his conviction but I am appalled at the lack of support for the spouses of convicted soldiers and the ferocity with which the military will persecute and convict its own. The military is in the midst of downsizing so when my husband's case passed by his batallion's desk to decide whether it would be permanently closed or not it was no surprise they reopened it. Currently men and women are being discharged for missing appointments, failing PT tests...trivial things that had not been used to push someone out of the military before. In my husband's case they took the extreme route; they ruined his life all to make their numbers look better.
When I say lack of support I mean after my husband was convicted and was taken away I was left 8 months pregnant by myself. His unit promised to help me with whatever they could but after about 2 weeks they stopped talking to me. They refused to write letters on my husband's behalf despite knowing him for years and eventually they just ignored me until I called looking for the Sergent Major. A tub full of my husband's personal effects sat at the company for over a month until I called up there looking for them. No one came by the house to check on me. No one called me. On the same note, my husband's JAG lawyers filed for a pay deferral on my behalf which would allow for my husband's pay to come to me for another 6 months. They felt that me being so pregnant and soon to be out of a job I stood a pretty good chance of getting it. After over a month of no answer the Commander General finally came back and said he had denied it. Why? He never offered an explanation. I suppose my son and I weren't that much of a concern to him but my world had fallen apart. As it was, I had to move home to Ohio and in with my mother. She's helping support my son and I until I can get a job. I had to do my own research to find out if we still received medical benefits. For the record, we do until the appeals process is over. But my husband's own commander couldn't even tell me for sure. There are no support groups on base and no voice for spouses in my situation. We are treated like we never existed and pushed aside. I am making this blog to let other spouses who are in my situation know that you are not alone. You are no forgotten and just because the court martial process is taboo in the military there are people affected by it and we don't deserve to be treated like a disease.
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