Down Days

Some days I'm just mad at the world. I see a couple and their baby and I feel such immense and overwhelming sadness. I wish more than anything I could have that. I wish my husband could hold his son. This was supposed to be the happiest time of our lives and instead it turned into one of the hardest. Giving birth without my husband was incredibly hard. Going out with my son without him is difficult. Sometimes I feel like life is so incredibly unfair.
I thought my worst moments of my life was when I found out my first husband was cheating on me. Dealing with the after math of a broken heart, a broken friendship, and learning how to support myself was incredibly difficult. When I found my current husband I felt like it had all happened to bring me to him. When he was convicted and my husband called me tearfully to tell me to come see him for the last time I learned pain all over again. 8 months pregnant, stumbling around in a daze and crying my eyes out I was devastated. For all intents and purposes I was suddenly a single mother-to-be. I had to figure out how I was going to pay bills, where I was going to live, and how to raise a child. Thank god for my mom. She took me in and has helped me out so much. Currently I'm looking for a full time, better paying job because, well, serving just isn't going to allow me to be able to save any money.
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I hope that soon I learn the reason that all of this happened to my family. I hope to God that my husband can come home soon, that his case gets overturned, and he can be with me and our baby. Sometimes it's hard to be positive but I have to try. Some days I just want to stay in bed and never get out but I know my son needs me. Actually, that's probably what I would be doing if it wasn't for him. His smile is my motivation to get through the day. I love him with all my heart and I hope that we'll all be together soon.