Wednesday, February 27, 2013

No News is Bad News

These last couple days haven't been the best mostly because my husband ran out of money on his phone account. The silence sucks. It's hard going from talking to him everyday, whenever I wanted to a couple minute phone calls. Sometimes it doesn't feel real; like our relationship was something I made up in my head. Then I look through our pictures and read something he wrote and I know it was real. I can't help but wonder what our life would be like right now if he hadn't been convicted. I know it doesn't really help the current situation but I can't help myself. Especially at night when I'm running on only a little bit of sleep and I wish he was here to help with the baby. I love my son to death but it does get exhausting to be doing this on my own. My mom helps me out in the evening but I wish more than anything my husband could meet his son. Just to be able to hold him.

I did file what they call a "congressional complaint". I wrote to the state rep in North Carolina and asked them to investigate my husband's case and trial. They asked for information which is more than I got from them last time. We'll see if anything comes of it. I doubt anything will but I have to try. My husband did say one guy he was in with had his case overturned because of a congressional complaint. Now he's just waiting on his release papers. God, I wish more than anything that would happen for us. That somehow I could get him out NOW. The waiting and wondering is the most difficult. Sitting around waiting for the record of trial to come back and wondering if clemency or an appeal will help us sometimes drives me crazy. I try not to get too hopeful but I can't help but pray for a happy ending for us. We need this to get overturned for the good of our future. My son is growing up so fast and I just can't stand for my husband to miss anymore than he already has. I hate being at the mercy of this system. Please pray for us to whomever you want.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Somehow, I Keep Going

It was amazing to see my husband after so long apart. Although we had to be in a visitation room surrounded by a bunch of other people we were talking and joking like old times. There were some small children in there visiting other inmates and I could tell it bothered my husband. He begged me to find a way to bring our son next time. It hurt my heart to leave my husband behind but I was grateful to get back to my son. For some reason he was sleeping 6 hours for my mom...I got 4 last night! Not fair!

I contacted Mr Holland at the USDB and asked what I had to do in order to bring my son to visit. He instructed me to write a letter asking for full contact between my husband and my son. He said he would pass it up and they would review it and decide if my husband could have contact. Of course it's rarely granted unless the prisoner is in treatment but it's a 2-3 year wait list AND you have to pass a lie detector test to enroll. My husband wouldn't be able to pass one since he's innocent and even if they did enroll him...2-3 years! I was adamant about my husband not being a threat and that all contact between him and my son would be monitored. I also included information about the importance of father-son bonding. Hopefully they have a heart (doubtful) and grant us visitation or at least the ability to talk on the phone. Yes, my husband has to get permission to talk to our nearly-2-month-old on the phone...who can't even talk yet! I hate this system. It's so stupid and backwards and drives me nuts. Mr Holland also said that it wasn't a fast process and could take months to get a response. Joy. What else can I expect from the military?

In better news I'm getting more letters for my husband's clemency packet. My friends have really come through and their care and concern is so touching and means so much. I am pretty disappointed with some of my husband's friends. Some of them just outright ignored my request that they write a letter. Oh, I'm sorry if I'm inconveniencing you but this is my life. It takes what, an hour maybe, to write a decent letter? I'm making notes on those useless people and I hope, when this is all over, I can tell them exactly what I think of them. I'm going to a new moms group meeting tomorrow so maybe I'll meet some new people. The only downfall is deciding what to tell people when they ask where my husband is. I tell most people he's at Ft Leavenworth and let them draw their own assumptions.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Tomorrow is the Day

Happy Valentine's Day! I get to visit my husband tomorrow so I'm pretty excited :) I will actually get to hug and kiss him as opposed to just talking to him briefly on the phone. I'll also be able to visit with him for hours as opposed to 20 minutes behind some glass. While this isn't the ideal situation (I'd rather have him home with me and my son) I will take what I can get. He ran out of money on his phone account so I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. This makes me even more anxious to see him. It's difficult since we would talk all day every day and now we only get a couple minutes on the phone and some letters. I miss him so much everyday but I hope this visit will do us both some good.

Ricki Lake's show today was about being wrongfully convicted. Needless to say it hit home. It happens all the time to many different people. It's pretty scary actually. I wish I could get my husband's story out there so that someone would care. I'm still trying to do all I can but many people don't want to touch military cases.

I hope everyone had a good holiday and be thankful for having your valentine home with you.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I miss my husband more than ever. Getting through the holidays without him was tough enough but now to face a specific holiday dedicated to love is even harder. The advertisements on TV are nonstop and I find myself angry at how unfair life can be sometimes. The one thing I am looking forward to is flying out to visit him Friday. It will be difficult though because I'll have to leave my son with my mom. But I'll finally get to see my husband after almost 3 months of him being gone. I'll get to hug and kiss him, albeit briefly, something I haven't done since Dec 1st. I'm looking forward to my trip but at the same time I'm dreading it because I know it will go way too fast. I'll fly out Friday and then come back Monday. During the week I'll get 3 hours with him and during the weekend I'll have two 3 hour visitations. He's looking forward to it as much as I am but I find myself trying to plan the next time I'll get to see him and if I'll be able to bring Blair. I want him so much to meet his son but policy may prevent that. I am ready to do what I have to in order to fight for my family though. I just wish so badly I could bring him home with me and everything would be OK. The waiting and wondering is the worst part.

I used to believe in the justice system and thought people who claimed innocence once convicted were definitely lying. My perspective has changed completely and even for those who are guilty I don't judge them anymore. Military Justice has no standard, like I said in my previous post, the punishments often don't fit the crime and panel members seem less interested in fairness than conviction rates. If my husband was convicted and put away for 8 years with no evidence how many others has this happened to? Something has to change if we want to ensure that justice is served. The zeal with which the military convicts its own is appalling and somewhat terrifying. What is to stop someone from just trying to ruin a soldier's life out of spite? It happened to my husband and although we are fighting it tooth and nail there is no guarantee that he will walk free without a felony hanging over his head the rest of his life. Knowing these facts is pretty disheartening sometimes but I can't give up. Not only is my husband relying on me but so is my son. He deserves his family and a happy future. We all do.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Such A Big Boy!

My little baby Blair is one month old today! I cannot believe this time a month ago I had just given birth to my first child. Time has gone fast...even if I did have some long nights. I never imagined I'd be a single mother at this point in my life but having Blair here also allows me to have a piece of my husband with me. I only wish my husband could see him and hold him. Hopefully I'll be able to bring him the next time I visit. No boy should grow up without his father.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Is There a Standard?

I came across this article on msn the other day. My husband called and we started talking about it.

Basically, if you want the shortened version, a Ft Hood soldier accidentally shot his friend while drunk. He killed his friend, plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter and got 3 1/2 years, a dishonorable discharge, and busted down to E1 rank.

3 years for KILLING SOMEONE?! Now, I know involuntarily manslaughter is different from premeditated murder but my husband didn't kill anyone (shoot, he didn't even commit the crimes he was convicted of) and got 8 years. Is there any sort of standard for sentencing or do the panel members just draw numbers out of a hat? My husband told me a guy in prison with him accidentally pushed someone down the stairs. The person later died and the guy got sentenced to 20 years. I just don't understand what is going through the panel members' heads when they convict someone. There needs to be some sort of standard for sentencing. This type of choose-as-you-go punishment breeds injustice.

We're currently still waiting for my husband's record of trial to come back before filing for clemency. I can only pray that the Commander General reads all the letters written on his behalf and his lawyer's write up of mistakes made during the trial and takes pity on us by reducing his sentence. I can't comprehend being without my husband for years on end and because of his charges we have to fight for him to be able to see his son at visitation. It's not fair and seeing such a light sentence for such a serious crime makes me even angrier. The military justice system needs an overhaul in order to be more fair to soldiers and their families.

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Day it All Changed

November 30th, 2012 was a day I'll never forget. My whole life changed. I'm still waiting to see if it's for the better or the worse but it definitely changed altogether. My husband was convicted and sentenced to 8 years in a military prison during a court martial.

If you would've asked me a year ago if I saw this happening I would've told you no. You're crazy! We knew about the case but my husband's obvious innocence was at the forefront of our minds. We couldn't imagine someone ever believing such obvious and blatant lies with no proof or clear cut evidence. Little did we know that military trials are much different from civilian ones. First of all, only 3/4 of the panel has to agree to find someone guilty or innocent. The panel members oftentimes already have their mind made up before the trial ever starts. And these are not a "jury of your peers" these are higher ranking people. My husband was only an E4. In a military trial there seems to be less of a need to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt because the defendant is often considered guilty unless proven innocent, which is pretty difficult to do when DNA evidence does not have to be presented to convict someone.

I do not wish to berate the military. I am very proud of my husband's service. He was in the army for 5 years and served a tour in Afghanistan before his conviction but I am appalled at the lack of support for the spouses of convicted soldiers and the ferocity with which the military will persecute and convict its own. The military is in the midst of downsizing so when my husband's case passed by his batallion's desk to decide whether it would be permanently closed or not it was no surprise they reopened it. Currently men and women are being discharged for missing appointments, failing PT tests...trivial things that had not been used to push someone out of the military before. In my husband's case they took the extreme route; they ruined his life all to make their numbers look better.

When I say lack of support I mean after my husband was convicted and was taken away I was left 8 months pregnant by myself. His unit promised to help me with whatever they could but after about 2 weeks they stopped talking to me. They refused to write letters on my husband's behalf despite knowing him for years and eventually they just ignored me until I called looking for the Sergent Major. A tub full of my husband's personal effects sat at the company for over a month until I called up there looking for them. No one came by the house to check on me. No one called me. On the same note, my husband's JAG lawyers filed for a pay deferral on my behalf which would allow for my husband's pay to come to me for another 6 months. They felt that me being so pregnant and soon to be out of a job I stood a pretty good chance of getting it. After over a month of no answer the Commander General finally came back and said he had denied it. Why? He never offered an explanation. I suppose my son and I weren't that much of a concern to him but my world had fallen apart. As it was, I had to move home to Ohio and in with my mother. She's helping support my son and I until I can get a job. I had to do my own research to find out if we still received medical benefits. For the record, we do until the appeals process is over. But my husband's own commander couldn't even tell me for sure. There are no support groups on base and no voice for spouses in my situation. We are treated like we never existed and pushed aside. I am making this blog to let other spouses who are in my situation know that you are not alone. You are no forgotten and just because the court martial process is taboo in the military there are people affected by it and we don't deserve to be treated like a disease.